5 Reasons Why I Hate Going to the Gym
Now, this post has nothing to do with lacrosse. Well sort of. I have been spoiled throughout college working out in a state of the art weight lifting facility thanks to lacrosse. When my lax career ended, I had to transition into working out in a normal gym with the rest of plebes and average joes. The transition was tough. I’ve been through three gym memberships. I finally found a place where I can complete my workout without making my blood boil. Sorta. With the New Years coming up, this blog post is going to about the reasons I hate working out at the gym.
They are everywhere. You see them. You hear them. It’s the meatheads. They come walking into the gym all swing dick with their weightlifting singlet and back strap begging for attention. After they finish spending an hour in the locker room blowing each other they waddle out into the exercise area. In their hand, they have a gallon of neon green pre-workout which looks like something I would put in my car. With all the energy in the world, they head straight to the dumbells and bench press. Next thing you know, you hear grunts where the only other place I can compare it to is a maybe the shower house at Rikers Island or any local prison. Then, CLANG, the ground shakes. Did this lunkhead have a heart attack because his kidneys couldn’t process the vast amounts of creatine he’s been taking since he woke up? No, that’s him letting the gym know he’s huge and he just finished his single rep of his 10000000 lb deadlift. After completing his one rep, he goes over to his friend and chats him up for another hour about the only god knows what. The lunkhead spends another 23 hours and 45 minutes at the gym, proceeds to leave and once he reaches his car, realizes with his little peanut size brain that its been 24 hours since it was chest day and goes back inside to start the cycle again.
I’ll admit it first, I am a person that looks up workouts online and follows them to the letter. Some of these workouts have supersets in them. A1, B2, C4 whatever. I try to knock out a specific movement using one piece of equipment at a time. Anyone that follows supersets at the gym is a complete asshole. I have noticed that women tend to do this more than the dudes. I am not sure how many times I have a seen a female in her Lululemon yoga pants maxing out her 95 lb squat, leave the squat rack with the weights still on the barbell and hit the leg press for 10 minutes. Me, seeing no one using the squat rack goes up to said squat rack and starts taking the weights off. Next thing I hear is “I’m still using that” and everything goes white and I picture myself bashing someone over the head with a 45-pound plate.
Treadmills suck. They cause instant shin splins. I don’t care if the experts say increase the incline to 1 or 2% to better replicate running outside, it is not the same. The air inside the gym is humid with the moisture and heat mixing from body heat. I hate running in one place seeing the same thing over and over again which is this case could be “Keeping Up With The Kardashian” on the TV screen in front of me. I also hate when I do use the treadmill, some fat guy jumps on the treadmill next to mine (with like 10 available ones that aren’t next to mine), glances over to see what pace I’m running at and sets his treadmill pace to be greater than mine. Now Lance Armstrong next to me is chugging along at a faster than me and I begin to feel bad about myself.
4.The New Years Resolution-ers
Now I won’t bash anyone trying to better their lives and get back into shape. That’s awesome! Best of luck! But the gyms become so crowded. I don’t like fighting for space or equipment. The place literally turns into a 1900’s sweatshop. Then there’s the sight of people looking like they are ready to die. It absolutely turns me off. For a brief period of my life, I was CPR certified. God forbid one of these people goes down I think I may be the most qualified to give immediate assistance (I’ll get lunkhead to crack the ribs which should make CPR easier). When the New Years people come along, I tend to focus on more cardio by running elsewhere. It’s really cold out. I don’t want to do that but it has to be done. The crowd begins to withdraw slowly with everyone giving up by St.Patricks Day cause they remember how good it feels to be a booze-bag.
On paper, Crossfit is a good thing. It’s a fun, high-intensity workout which will shed the pounds. I just love how people try CrossFit once and think they are better than us regular people. They post on social media about their WOTD (workout of the day), their macros and their new overpriced apparel they got from Reebok. Granted, if you are a professional Crossfitter and actually know what you are doing, good for you! If you are an average joe like me, please stop. If you are just getting into exercising or lifting weights, please work on lifting or exercising with the correct form first before you try CrossFit. If not done properly, you won’t really benefit from it and you increase the chance of severe injury. Plus who likes bad form? Then again, I’m not the bad form gestapo.